Hari yg paling malang buat diri ini.. Lepas subuh kepala sakiiit sgt.. Terjaga pukul 8 pagi sebab bunyi sms. From his half.. I got the shocked of my life. Dunno what to do. Nak reply pun takut cakap salah. My head is still spinning. Tried to wake up but cant, so juz lie down and tears just flow by itself. This is the last thing that i ever wana happen. Sum of the times, i dozed off and everytym i dozed off i will have a nightmare and each time i woke up i will become hysterical. I have no one to turn to, i didnt tell anyone about this, so i have to chew this on my own. Really at loss on what to do.

Then sumwhere in the afternoon, manage to catch him for a while. Asked him what happen. He was blurr too. He said that he will look into things and let me know. And he disappeared just like that. An sms followed saying that everything is settled. And the other half sms back saying that it was a wrong number that she sent to. Maybe she thinks that i am a 2 years old kid.

The whole day i am like lifeless. I went to my friend's place. I have too or else mata ni mesti bengkak giler. I am like a zombie. 1 hari tak makan and hampir2 kereta langgar aku. The driver shouted at me but i just look at him. I am too lethargic to say anything.

Y must i be tested like this. After thinking, i cant possibly blame her. Which wife wouldnt fight for her happiness? I have told him this thousands of times but he just wouldnt listen. I just felt it is unfair for me to face these obstacles all by myself. And on top of that, the mistake is his. He is careless. Saying sorry wouldnt buy back all that has happen. I am sooo embarrassed and my dignity just drop to the drain, just like that, and all because of him. Is this the price that i have to pay for loving him?

The last thing that i expected, org yg aku harapkan ialah orang yg jatuhkan maruah aku.

I am really embarrassed, hurt, tired, confused. Im at loss. Perasaan terlalu hampa terhadapnya. Aku tau dia pun manusia yang melakukan kesilapan. He is not perfect. Im sure he himself doesnt want this to happen either. But ntahla, i am just a woman who held my respect too high on him. Thou i am independent, but i my whole emotions is relied on him. I am strong because of the strength that he alwiz gives me. When this happen, my emotions just crashed to the drain. I just feel that i cant face her anymore.

 I dunt want 2 lose a friend and definitely i wouldnt want 2 lose my life. But i feel that I have to make a choice. If i choose my life, she will definitely becomes my foe and i dun want any enmity with anyone. Please guide me Allah.